


Coughing

by raja815



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist
Genre: Angst, Blood, Child Abuse, Gen, Other, Stream of Consciousness, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-27
Updated: 2012-10-27
Packaged: 2017-11-17 03:54:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/547347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raja815/pseuds/raja815
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lieutenant Havoc won't stop coughing.  Riza dislikes it, because it makes her remember...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Coughing

**Author's Note:**

> Riza's father creeps me the hell out. Whenever I try to write about him things turn really creepy really fast. Written for in late 2009 for the prompt "stream of consciousness."

Lieutenant Havoc is coughing again. Riza dislikes the sound of coughing, because it makes her think of

_(my father)_

being ill, and she hates being ill. She hasn’t been sick in years; she’s so careful to take care of herself. Last time she was sick she couldn’t sleep for days because whenever she lay down

_(coughing so hard I thought my ribs would break, Hayate whimpering, spitting into the sink to)_

_(check for blood)_

_(keep from strangling myself, like Havoc sounds like he might)_

the coughing became too much. Havoc’s cough isn’t a sick cough, at least not yet, he’s only coughing up

_(blood)_

_(what blood why blood why think blood)_

_(thick dark blood that smells rotten-sweet, red on white in the cracked porcelain of the sink and I’m just a girl and I’m so frightened)_

_(don’t think about him now, you haven’t thought about him in years)_

the phlegm in his throat from smoking too much over lunch break, sitting outside and having cigarette after cigarette while the rest of them were eating

_(mashed potatoes and chicken and peas that I made, and when he started coughing he couldn’t stop and there was blood between his fingers and in his hair his hair like my hair and all over his plate and his eyes were like a madman’s eyes and he kept coughing he kept coughing)_

_(don’t_ think _about it you’re grown now woman now soldier now and it’s over and it can’t hurt you)_

beef stew and carrots in the mess hall. Now he sits, the hand curled into a fist to stifle his coughs beginning to glimmer with 

_(blood)_

spit from the force of his

_(it was blood, all over his hands, and I was frightened, because it didn’t look like blood, it looked like)_

_(I was frightened because he was my father and I was a girl and he was coughing he couldn’t stop COUGHING and there was blood, but it looked like)_

_(blood it looked like blood what else would it look like it looked just like)_

_(ink)_

_(ink??)_

coughing. Breda turns and thumps him on the back to little avail and the Colonel gets up, aiming for the pitcher on the table in the corner to get Havoc a

_(vial of red red ink looks just like blood)_

glass of water. But he pauses beside her and she glances over and sees

_(red ink scarlet ink needles that hurt please daddy, stop, let me go, it hurts)_

the array on his alchemic gloves, sees the Colonel’s eyebrows knit in

_(pain)_

_(hurt so much I had to cut my hair off so my back could heal, blood in my hair blood in his hair from when he’d cough and cough and couldn’t stop and it would splatter his face and soak his hair)_

confusion.

“Lieutenant?” He asks. “Are you

_(ever going to STOP COUGHING)_

all right? You look

_(looks like his hair is falling out and his face is sinking and he’s coughing himself to death bleeding to death coughing to death and I’m scared but I’m also relieved I’m glad because I can’t stand the coughing and I can’t stand the needles and he can't do it again if he dies and)_

_(stop it it's over now he's gone)_

_(what is wrong with me why can't I just forget why)_

a little pale. Do you need to—”

_(I can’t stand it stop coughing stop coughing stop coughing STOP COUGHING)_

“For goodness sake, Lieutenant Havoc, get a grip on yourself!” She slams her report down, she glares at him, and maybe it’s the shock of her voice, or maybe he had finally worked through it, but either way, he stops 

_(oh god thank you)_

coughing, and she can concentrate again.


End file.
